quietrantslouderthoughts

can you fix it?

2009-08-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

here i am, on a wednesday night. trying to finish up the ethics essay. im thinking about so many things. and i concluded that im finally turning psychotic,

not just paranoid anymore.

im with you.

2009-07-18T00:23:00.004+08:00

my love is definitely NOT like the singapore river.

its as deep as the deepest ocean trench and bigger than life itself.

and oh, its worth more than all the $1 in the world put together.

just know that i love you.

very much.

rock with you.

2009-06-28T22:32:00.006+08:00

when i was growing up, i was listening to mj- my father used to blast his music.
i met the love of my life while he was rehearsing to smooth criminal.

his legacy lives on.

don't come any closer.

2009-06-22T22:45:00.004+08:00

today is perhaps one of the most depressing days of my life.

two people that i thought i could depend on most, turn their backs on me. all in a span of what? 2 hours? (to top it all, im cursed with pms) the prevalent issue here is lack of trust. i guess im not the most trusted person on earth, but the least is they could do is to try to understand that i do not depend on them for no other reasons than trust itself. or at least, the thought of it.

what a complete fool ive been to have that thought of them trusting me. or me trusting them.

"And you will find someone worth walking on,
when you ask me to go."

work that out for me.

2009-06-19T00:36:00.005+08:00

going to the library with the children is not as taxing as i thought it would be.. at least, it beats teaching them (esp tt one particular girl) and staring into their books as i watch them do their work. maybe i should have a monthly library outing with each and every of them... hahaha! mcm makan gaji buta, if you know what i mean. although it wasnt all fun and laughter, i think the kids enjoyed it. well, at least i hope so..

these 2 weeks i was feeling really good with the chalet, bbq and all- except pia's essay and weekly quiz 7. totally dampen my self-proclaimed holiday mood. and worse, i finished the essay in a day (beat my previous record of 2 days). i started on the day i was supposed to turnitin and everything. like i told my mum.. i took quite a while to bounce back from the chalet mood. i loved the chalet! although i had an issue with the common toilet, i totally enjoyed the kampung hut. we gotta go there again someday! huhu. i feel so lazy sometimes i wish i could hire somebody to do my work, housework, schoolwork... everything lah.

hope you'll be my solid ground

2009-06-02T16:27:00.004+08:00

7 yr old syarina has resorted to walking around the house naked. with her white panties on. making herself ice milo to drink every one hour or so. ever since i woke up this morning... ive heard complaints and complained myself, on how absolutely hot and humid the weather is. since yesterday we've stashed bottles of mineral water into the freezer cos we dont think the refrigerator's cold enough for us anymore..

i think i got over the 3520 presentation. i admit it did depressed me.. i was snapping at someone so bad he got hurt (sorry again).. i slept the whole feeling off. i think its nt fair that his instructions are never clear. its like only the people who has the same wavelength as him would somehow understand what the hell he wants from us. its like you're shooting your bullets in all directions, hoping that one or two would somehow hit the mark. how like that??

frankly speaking i have no mood to start on my week 5 quiz. i think ive put in soo much effort for 2130 last week.. so much so that i dont want to touch any of it this week. ive got media law presentatn and essay up tmr and i think i'd rather spent my time on that. i think we have put in way too much effort for 3 worth of marks. for that 3 marks, i feel like im doing a 1.5k essay. THREE MARKS. ITS RIDICULOUS WHEN I THINK OF IT AGAIN.

12.39 am

2009-06-01T00:01:00.006+08:00

last week wasnt what i thought it would be. i had something else in mind..
but then again, life dont always go like how you want it to be. im just very thankful to Allah for giving me patience- something that ive always been lacking.
i just hope we can learn to accept each other's flaws.

anw, i am so loving katy perry's waking up in vegas video. i love her make up and costumes there!! well actually, she looked great in thinking of you too.. but i love her pink showgirl costume in her latest video. she's really pretty, i think i might develop a crush on her!!

one of my very few commitments.

2009-05-24T22:47:00.003+08:00

i finally found tt particular scent. my mother said tt it wasnt exactly the one that nyonya was wearing, but i think this one is one of the nicest smells ever. and tt coming frm me, someone who doesnt wear perfume, and doesnt like to smell perfume tt much. im positive that this is it.. nvm that it costs a (nuclear) bomb, it is worth it. wor dit. anw lanvin also smells nice... i think perfumes will be my next craze. i really think so.

all that aside, im very excited for tmr! and wednesday too!

another one

2009-05-19T23:06:00.002+08:00

one lesson i've learnt time and time again: never sleep with your earpiece on. whatever brand your earpiece might be, sennheiser, philips, sony, audio technica.. they will all go kaput if you sleep with them on.

it has happened to me millions of times.. and the worst part is, sometimes i dont even sleep with my mp3 on. i just decide to keep my mp3 (together with earpiece and all) by my side when i sleep, even when im nt listening to it or even if i dont intend to listen to it. sleeping with my mp3 by my side is sth like sleeping with my phone you know. they work synonymously in keeping me company when im dozing off to sleep. ok, so my very new (less than 3 months, i think) earpiece recently screwed up. i realised this when i was in the train, on my way to school. note that i can get very pissed off when my journey to/from school or anywhere is spoiled by my mp3 refusing to work, or my earpiece suddenly screwing up on me.

now, the right earpiece will only work if i slowly twist and turn the bloody earpiece. i think i've bought more than 20 earpieces in my whole entire life. i am damn sick and tired of spoiled earpieces. seriously.

tired.

2009-05-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

ive uploaded this just for the sole purpose of cheering myself up. i spent like almost 3 hours fiddling with my bimbo camera, trying to upload pictures into the computer, edit them and then upload them onto facebook. i really should get started on my readings, cos theres like ten million questions for me to do.. its barely 2 weeks since the start of school, and im already so tired. presentations, quizzes, written assignments! and a lecturer who freaks me out when he smiles. shereen mentioned that he looked like a "tadpole". however i dont think that she has actually seen a tadpole's face before.. hahahah.. k anw point is, im so freaking pissed with him, and i dont know why. im just an angry girl. i get angry when i step into class. i get angry when i steps out of class. im pissed off all the time. i think hafiz is infiltrating into my soul.

im tired! God, im so tired just thinking of school. no, im tired just merely looking at my bag. no need to think of school, i can just take one glance at my bag, and i feel my body going 10 times slower. i am tired.

Goodness.

2009-05-10T14:11:00.001+08:00

We are all very excited to go jp. Yep we are.

i hope you saved a little piece for me.

2009-05-05T22:19:00.002+08:00

i dont even know why i bother to carry around an umbrella anymore. the weather is so scaldingly hot.. it makes you want to snap at everybody, it makes you want to drink bubble tea everyday.. or stand infront of the refrigerator with the freezer door open wide. everywhere i go, people keep complaining about the heat. my mother resorted to sleeping on the marble floor. even the bed seemed to hot to lie on.

anw, got back the marks for audience studies and journalism module. my marks in journalism proved my suspicions that i couldnt write. i totally missed the distinction mark, and even if i reprimand dr steve to amend the assignment mark that he had gotten all wrong, (i did asked btw. tt was 2 months ago. its still unchanged. uptill now.) i still wouldnt get the distinction- so. lets. bloody. forget. it.

and dr pia told me that i gotta improve my writing skills.. i found out later when i skimmed through her comments on my research paper, that she was referring to my horrible grammar. its been a while since somebody actually marked me down for improper use of tenses, punctuation and "awkward expression". AWKWARD EXPRESSION!! i remembered last time during m.i, janet nim would draw squiggly squiggly lines underlining the sentences, or even worse, a question mark. tt probably meant awkward expression.

talking about awkward, i feel rather awkward reading a girl's lovey-dovey-mushy msn nicks. particularly tonight, i feel like changing my msn nick to "sudahlah". whatever you know, whatever. i dont usually care what nonsensical nicknames my friends have on msn.. its just that i have a hunch she's referring to someone very dear to me. so i really dont know whether to just laugh it off or engage in thoughts of wringing her neck. that bloody swine.

now.

2009-05-04T21:27:00.002+08:00

1st may was quite eventful. (:
anw first day of school was ok, cept for the fact that we have to present next week. tts crazy. AWARE is driving me nuts.

anw, im starting my ipod fund. ok well some of you may think that buying an ipod doesnt require one to start a fund.. however considering the fact that buying an ipod straight off would mean that i have to starve for the next 2 months, endure 29873138 reminder letters from singtel (this is bundled with another 65877678 rounds of nagging frm my mum), and also face high risks of getting my phone line terminated, i'd rather the fund.

i am aware that im not much of a saver (is there such a word?), i told my mum weeks ago that im thinking of getting an ipod, and then i tell her that it will probably take me another 3, 4 months. she tells me she can wait, that is, to be the rightful owner of my pink creative zen stone (which had costed me $99 back then, but then the last i saw it was selling at 89 freaking bucks).

sighs. i wish an ipod touch would just miraculously appear under my pillow when i wake up tmr morning, complete with casing and all. if such a thing can ever happen, i wouldnt mind if its an ipod touch, or nano, or shuffle (ok maybe not shuffle), or classic.

PS while im typing all these, bf is on the phone, annoyed that ive not spoken much. ok now he has just put down the phone. BLEAGH!!!

brown eyes.

2009-04-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

because no other words can accurately reflect what im feeling right now. and because i myself cannot comprehend my own thoughts:-
i love you, fiz. and im sorry.

Would you please meet me by the water, baby
We'll have a really good time
Would you please meet me by the water, baby
'Cause I can't get you off of my mind

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'Cause I think I might be right for you
And because of that, I'm not scared at all
And everyone says I'm crazy
And everyone says I'm a fool
Would you meet me by the water tonight
'Cause I'm ready to break all the rules

Please don't leave me standing
With my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down,
And no one understand why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment
That I met you
You'd be the one

Would you meet me by the water tonight
Would you please fall asleep
Holding my hand
'Cause I've got everything in store for you, baby
If you'll be my man

Rachel Yamagata - Meet Me By The Water

michelangelo

2009-04-13T23:35:00.004+08:00

i dont even know if its a male, but you're looking at michelangelo, our new pet as of yesterday. this fella is so small, its like the size of your handphone screen. its actually a birthday gift to syarina, who turns 7 tomorrow.. but i was the one who named it. hahahah. (somebody suggested that we buy another 3 terrapins and a rat! haha!!) actually syarina wanted a hamster for a pet, but my father was totally against the idea. cos he was terrified that the hamster will start chewing on the wires (i think it was a freaking lame excuse). so then my mother suggested that we keep a fish, or mealworms. mealworms!

so in the middle of my "chasing-deadline" schedule, we went down to choose the terrapin for her. my sister and i even managed to pull off a impromptu birthday "party", which basically consists of a few presents, 2 viva pizzas, a birthday cake, and fries. and then after that it was back to work.

but im done now. finished. habis. but i feel that my paper wasnt as coherent as i wish it could be. when i was typing at 2am yesterday, i didnt even know what i was typing. so that was why i postponed 2 of my tuition classes today to tomorrow. so i could spend more time on the essay.. and it was a right decision. BUT like i mentioned, work never subsides.

ebus exam is next friday.

meet me by the water.

2009-04-10T20:48:00.004+08:00

just when u thought u can give ure brain its well deserved rest, another assignment comes to haunt you. and its worst when you procrastinate. essays are the most terrible form of assignments (in my case that is), especially the type of essays which needs tons of citations and research.

there's a million things that i want to buy but ive to refrain cos my pay is coming in bite-sized pieces, and not to mention barely enough. why must there be a recession, oh God? everyone's been telling me the same thing. to not spend because of the recession, save your money. if they had learnt economics then they would know that it is in times of recession that you need to spend more. because... ok ive forgotten the equation, but im positive consumer expenditure is one of the factors that can pull up the economy.

ive been repeating the dream in my mp3/wmp. which is bad cos im beginning to get sick of it already.

ok time to work.

kind of exciting.

2009-03-28T01:07:00.004+08:00

went to flea-tique with dianah, shereen and huien. bought a pretty ring and a big (very big, now tt im looking at it) print bag. the girls were asking me to bring tt bag to audience studies class and see if dr pia's gonna stare at it or ask me where i bought it. since she's a big fan of prints too!

anw had teriyaki chicken pasta at swensens for dinner. as usual i didnt eat much vegetables or onions. but i think it was ok, notwithstanding the spaghetti's freaking pathetic portion. i actually finished my food first. it was tt bad, considering how slow i usually eat.

its saturday today! (:
tt means no more 18 cents sms and expensive phonecalls.
no more 5 hours difference.
i miss miss miss miss miss the boy la.

make me smile.

2009-03-22T23:59:00.004+08:00

he called me this afternoon,
to tell me he misses me.
"i wish you were here," he said.

funny.

2009-03-20T22:31:00.003+08:00

blame my long absence on the piling assignments. they're piling like shit. only i'd prefer to look at piling shit rather than piling assignments. i almost forgot about the blog commenting. thank God i switched on the computer, and remembered about it. or else it'll be left alone all the way till midnight. anyway now that the pr blog task is over, i can finally blog personally in peace. without thinking of readings and SMART objectives.

im quite, actually very happy that i got the two main things that i planned to get from the it fair last weekend (i know its abit too late to talk about the it fair, but notwithstanding the crowd, it was actually good. now i cant wait for comex and sitex. am so gonna save money to get an ipod or sth). im happy that i got the earpiece cos then i wont have to bug my sis for hers. im happy that i got the digicam. i wanted to take lots of pictures of me and squidward. i wanted to test the camera by taking millions of squidward's pictures. and the stupid things that he does.

sighs. i miss squidward. and the main reason why i blogged today is cos i need to unwind and squidward's not here. i hope when he comes back, he'll read this (and maybe some more posts) and know how much i've missed him.

I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

220209

2009-02-22T22:57:00.006+08:00

happy happy 23rd birthday love.

cheesecake.

2009-01-30T22:21:00.002+08:00

ive been having this sudden craving for a good slice of cheesecake these past few days. it bugs me cos i'll keep glancing at coffee bean's cake display when im rushing to school. this afternoon, when i had lunch with dianah at the hanis cafe at the national library, i was in front of the cake fridge for a good minute. i havent gotten around to buying that piece of cake just cos i havent found the right time to.

i feel that the timing must be right. on that day, the weather must be clear and sunny.. and most importantly, my mind must be free from thoughts of piling assignments and looming deadlines. the place must be a nice cafe with not many customers or school children studying. the cafe must have nice lighting and it must not be dark. i would prefer if the scenery is somewhat picturesque, sth like what one fullerton has.. (this if im eating at the alfresco section) it would be great if there is nice music playing in the background. michael buble would be perfect.

so, cheesecake anyone?

love guru says..

2009-01-20T21:50:00.002+08:00

i just found out today that all of jason mraz tickets are sold out.
great.
anw, sorry for the absence. like ive mentioned, ive been busy with school and tuition and school work.
i feel like crawling into a hole.

ok tts all for now.

dont bother.

2009-01-08T22:42:00.003+08:00

school, tuition and life has been creeping up on me this week. i barely have time for my regular web surfing or jojo's or wedding planner game..
alright.. point is, im beginning to feel tired ALREADY. its the timetable, 9 am everyday from monday to saturday. cruel. and i think the program executive is super on lah.. mr LAW. but never mind about that.

just now when i filled up my planner (which is supposed to cheer me up cos its so pink and lovely), i got so tired of looking at dates and assignment datelines that i gave up halfway. i was flipping through the course outlines and i got so bothered by how detailed those pieces of paper are.. they freak you out with datelines and not to mention (detailed) description of assignments.

haiyooo..

my thoughts you can't decode

2008-12-26T22:39:00.004+08:00

Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies.
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
To burn a bridge or two.
I only keep myself this sick in the head
Cause I know how the words get you.

birthdays and dinner.

2008-12-20T22:56:00.005+08:00

yesterday, had late dinner with hafiz at seoul garden marina square. i think now the boy loves seoul garden, cos of the unlimited meat and ice-cream he gets to eat. i noticed he also loves to cook meat on the grill pan and mixing his food around. (:

we waited for an hour (!) to finally get seats. but the best part: i was greeted with a cockroach when i opened my wallet. it was resting so quietly in my wallet. seriously i didnt know how it got in there but i was so freaked out! i starting flipping the wallet like crazy and the cockroach jumped out, ran off to God knows where. i sort of felt terrible afterwards thinking that i brought a cockroach into the restaurant.. haha!

and today, we celebrated syakila's 15th birthday and wani's 18th birthday at swensens jurong point. (yep, our birthdays are all in december) lucky them, they each got a new sleek samsung mp3, thanks to my dad. we had dinner and a giant earthquake (and i didnt had to have any mint inside, hmph!) but the mall was so crowded, i had a terrible headache by the time we left the place. the new jurong point is really great actually.. (without the 10320197571837 people in there) it has nice new shops (mphosis! hurs! mondo! st louise! harris bookshop!) and a 24hr ntuc fairprice.

syarina even got her ear piercing done today after dinner. she didnt cry, unlike all of us.. haha. i think syarina is really horrible at posing for pictures. she has this weird tendency to do stupid poses.. everyone commented on the weight she has put on recently. she has been spending too much time with me.. eating heavy late suppers and snacking every now and then. hahaha...

ps i hope you like your picture under the umbrella.

take you away.

2008-12-16T22:57:00.003+08:00

Hesitantly, always afraid, even now, that he would disappear like a mirage, too beautiful to be real... hesitantly, I reached out one finger and stroked the back of his shimmering hand, where it lay within my reach. I marveled again at the perfect texture, satin smooth, cool as stone. When I looked up again, his eyes were open, watching me. Butterscotch today, lighter, warmer after hunting. His quick smile turned up the corners of his flawless lips.

- Isabella Swan, Twilight

21st birthday

2008-12-12T21:24:00.005+08:00

first and foremost, i would like to express many thanks to all of you friends for your birthday wishes. thank you guys.. i cannot possibly list down your names here cos i might miss out some of you. lol. i think with the proliferation of facebook, more people now know my birthdate. haha!! and syarina drew me a card that says "happy 20-first kakak!! are you happy kakak?" lol. her card is the colourful one below anw..

the last two pictures are actually of my "birthday card" from my girlfriends. the girls had put lots of pink crepe paper, a purple and white feather thingy draped around the board, pictures of themselves, a mask on the top left hand corner and a big glittery sign that says 21st. super pretty! thank you zanura, lay kuan, kasthuri and jayne for spending the day with me. i really enjoyed the dinner!! thank you also for the beautiful swatch and the big card. its on my study table now..!

my 21st birthday celebrations actually started a week before the 11th. (: i was happily stuffed with a chocolate cake from polar (that was super unexpected but very touching), my parents treated me to a hearty dinner at simpang bedok (sorry no pictures of me stuffing myself with a large piece of steak) and lunch and dinner with different people. i know im repeating this but thank you! (: i love you people.

anyway i finally got my hands on twilight! ok abit outdated.. but im going to finish that before watching the movie. i recommend you guys to watch the movie, if you love vampires and love stories. (:

i just want you to change. why is that so hard?

stranger.

2008-12-04T22:07:00.004+08:00

first things first,
sha, i cant do your survey! i cant copy and paste from your blog.. lol.

i spent the last two days to myself. i took nora's advice to spend time thinking by myself, and for myself. basically i was alone the whole time cos my parents were working, and everybody else is sleeping over at my aunts' place. ain came over yesterday afternoon though, and we ate the crab my mother cooked. lol. she really made my day cos i really had the feeling that no one gives a hoot about me. and ive finally talked to my mother today after going down with her for our dunch (dinner and lunch, haha!). i think she realised something was definitely wrong cos i didnt went out of the house two days straight. although i didnt exactly go to the details, i think she got my drift.

im tired of this non-stop finger pointing. i think ive learnt to stop blaming, but then i have to bear with the blame lying on me. i dont mind his fits of anger or even the conditions he has laid out for me. honestly speaking i have put aside my pride and ego long ago.. because i think it was worth it. because i think he was worth it. but when the tables are turned on me everytime.. even when i know i wasnt all to blame, i definitely get frustrated. i dont know how some people can get all worked up for the smallest things. well, you might think that it matters to you.. but the way you handle the situation and how you portrayed your anger just shows how much respect you have for the other party and the people around you. which is, i can say confidently now, zilch. total zero.

like ive said to a very dear friend, i adore those girls whose bfs always asking for second chances. at least those guys know that they are in the wrong. at least they are aware that they are the one who should be asking for forgiveness, and to be given another opportunity at the relationship. for my case, i get blamed.. for not smsing after a fight, when in fact im the one who is hurting. let me give u an analogy, you really dont want to be chasing after the person who spat on you. well at least not until he really apologises and not repeat the whole thing again just weeks after.

i dont know why some people have this twisted idea that im calm about this whole matter. and that i dont give a shit. and whatever nonsense they assume im feeling. just because i dont cut myself to death or give him uncountable missed calls doesnt mean im indifferent or that i dont miss him either. if you think im the one who can go on after a fight without thinking of you, you're wrong. if you think that i dont give a shit, then you're wrong again. however patience has its limits. you dont ever take a person for granted. just because you know she'll come back running to your arms all the time doesnt mean you have to treat her like a piece of crap. do you really need her to walk out that door and leave you alone to make you realise that how youre treating her is not how you treat a woman? or a human even.

in my heart, i know he's the best a girl can ever have because she will never doubt how much he loves her. he'll gather her in his arms when they are together. he can drive her around town if she wants him to. he'll send her all the way home even though she's living at the other end of the island. he'll look at her in a way that makes her feel like she's the most beautiful person in the world and only she matters to him. he's always there whenever he is needed although he will grumble abit. lol. he'll let her have the first bite of his mash potatoes, coleslaw and whatever he's having. like i mentioned, she's never left with doubts.

i know i may not be the best that a gf can possibly be.. but i know above all, im patient towards him. however i realised that he is getting more temperamental as the days go by. sometimes i think i dont even know whats gotten into him.. ive had many advice from my loved ones but i think it all boils down to him to finally come to a realisation that he has to change. bottomline is, i do give a shit. as cheesy as it may sound, i still love abdul hafiz. but im not letting him trample all over me again. i want him to think about this, and i hope this weekend will do him some good. i hope.

malik.

2008-12-02T21:50:00.003+08:00

dearest abdul malik,

of all the things to remember of you,
it will be our quiet conversations.
we may not be the closest of friends,
but im glad that you were once a part of my life. even though for a short while.
i still have your nice looking letter in the red envelope. it has been sitting in my wardrobe for a good 6 years now. although i wish it was in your handwriting instead of your sister. (: (i really dont mind your handwriting, untidy or not)
and also, thanks for all those walks to school together.

there's so many things i wish to say to you now that you're gone.
above all im glad you've reunited with your beloved mum now.
we will miss you,
and i know He loves you.

Al-Fatihah.

this sucker.

2008-11-29T22:06:00.005+08:00

hafiz, say mousse.

dear all, i am waiting patiently for 18th december for the screening of twilight. despite all the hoohaa it has been causing in the internet.. the whole world is talking about it (shereen told me that jb is alr screening the movie), unfortunately here in sg we have to wait for more than half a month to get to see it in the movies!! im a real sucker for romantic movies, i admit.

went over to sitec at expo this morning with the family. we got a few things, including jojo's fashion show (which i predict, will occupy 1/4 of my holidays). my father wanted to get me this laptop tote bag, and i decline (i later realised how stupid i was) cos the one i wanted had no available stock and my father was pestering me to get the other one! so then i decide that its best not to waste his 80 bucks cos i secretly thought that the bag he chose for me was close to hideous. lol. the best part was actually the john little sales, where i got myself some lingerie and two dresses. i love shopping!! especially when my parents pay. haha!!

"i stared into his pretty brown eyes, and i fell in love with him for the 100th time.
i wanted to tell him: do you know that you're the best gift God has ever given me?
but the words wouldnt come out.
he doesnt believe me when i told him that i still feel speechless when he tells me he loves me."

dont judge a book by its cover.

2008-11-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

i am disturbingly attracted to fancy and girly book covers. today at the library, i was hoping to borrow books that i dont normally read like thriller novels for example. but to my disappointment, i end up borrowing four love novels, not nora roberts though. phew.
i was dying of boredom with housework these past few days. so i was compiling of a list of things to do during this once in a lifetime long holidays that im having:-

watch twilight with the folks! (number one priority)
watch abit of anime
have a hell of a 21st birthday
play badminton more and hopefully shed some weight
beach, sentosa
drag aishah for ***** lessons
KARAOKE. how could i forget.

so ppl. plans plans!!!!!

post assignment post

2008-11-26T21:34:00.002+08:00

before anything, i have to finish this thing. got tagged by aishah!

1. Do you have secrets?
- many many.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
- depends exactly how young the person is. anw, my squidward claims he's 2 years older than me.. so this question abit irrelevant. lol.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
- as long as it takes. but depends la, if he's with somebody else.. then i dont want to ruin the relationship, IF you know what i mean. muahahahaha.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- donate, give parents and sisters and aunty. then go marry. :)

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
- im already in love with ain. hahaha.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- both. but i rather the latter.

7. List out 5 favourite things that you like and 3 things of yourself.
- chocolates, shoes and bags and clothes (hehe), spongebob squarepants, laptop, money (who doesnt love money right..)
- i have curly bouncy hair, i can cook whatever i want to eat and im friendly (i think)

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
- alot of things can make me happy. im a simple person, with simple needs and simple wants. lol.

10. What makes you sad?
- fight with bf, sister, mother/father. problems. many things also.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
- with a career, squidward and squiwardy kids (insyaAllah)

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
- many leh.

13. What is bothering you in life now?
- now? that im bored and broke.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
- how do you define poor? lol. i'd rather be married. but not the poor part.

15. What are the things you wanna do?
- right now, its getting my hands on all four stephenie meyer's books, enjoy my upcoming 21st birthday (haha), earn money to shop, wanna watch TWILIGHT!!! make things alright for everyone.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
- i will pick the one who loves me in return.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
- yup, definitely.

18. How do you say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go ?
- cry abit, hug abit, kiss abit. spend more time with that someone.

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
- both. i wouldnt want to choose.

20. Will you fall in love soon?
- im in love, and always will be. (awwww.)

alrightey, those listed below must go and do this for me:

syakila
syazwani
dianah
ain
you

major essay 95% done

2008-11-20T01:13:00.003+08:00

i thought i'll never say this, but but but, im done with major essay!!!
woooooooooohoooooooo.
but the bloody turnitin is pissing me off cos im 43% in the plagiarism bar. so i think i'll have to do a second draft.

note to self: tmr gotta start a.a's essay plus compile all materials for learning journal.

anw i think my thumb is freaking people out including myself. its nt healing and it looks as if a monster's gonna jump out of it soon. should i go to the doc?
its itching too. especially at night.

ohman, i didnt know that referencing can be this tedious. aaargh. gonna hit the sack. gotta drag myself out of bed tmr morning for mcilwaine's class. uurghh. and its at 9 am!

until my dying day

2008-11-18T00:07:00.005+08:00

i didnt come to school today, just cos i feel like it. i told my mum that the lecturers are not gonna do anything. im going to skip school tmr too.. because i hate going for a.a's class. (:

things have not been better. dianah and shereen told me to chill and just concentrate on my essays now. ive managed to finish my character profile today (yeay!) and ive started on my major essay.. but i gave up on it minutes ago. 2500 words is still a loong way to go. and dianah told me to eat some chocolates.. haha. ive been stuffing myself with truffles and tim tam ever since.. i think ive eaten enough chocolates to gauge just how depressed i am. my sister and i planned to play badminton this late afternoon, but we ended up sleeping instead.. so expected.

and tmr she's gonna play soccer after her paper, syakila's going for her day camp, parents out to work, syarina and grandma at aunt's place. so im gonna be home alone.. and im gonna chiong on my essay. and make sure i get the first draft out tmr. work work work until i faint from exhaustion, then i wouldnt have to think of anything anymore.

i printed out a picture of us today. the picture we took at starbucks at one fullerton, when you accidentally spurted caramel frappe all over me. it turned out really nice i almost wish i could show you. i meant to do it weeks ago but ive never really gotten the time to print out at the Kodak machine. ive told you about it, i remember you telling me to just print the picture out using my printer and then i said i dont have the proper photo paper to print on. ive already clipped the picture to the pink heart-shaped photo holder i bought a month ago. it looks nice and pretty.. but i put it at the back of my wardrobe, with the back of the picture facing me.

mend a broken heart.

2008-11-15T23:31:00.006+08:00

i admit this week has not been the greatest of weeks. but im happy to say tt despite all that has been happening, ive managed to do some proper research today.. thanks to shereen for some enlightenment on media framing. i have four major assignments due in less than a week's time or so.. and i have not started on any of them.. not when your brain's still fuzzy from recent incidents..

met someone and friend today for lunch and ice cream. finally i had my kway teow at vivo banquet! thank you for the truffles. (: its my first time "truffling".. maybe i should tell you that im very depressed more often, then i'll get free truffles. hehe..

i believe that God wont give you any obstacles that you cant face. although sometimes you feel that the whole weight of the world is on your shoulder (eg. when you have four assignments due and your still gotta deal with your broken heart), you still gotta hold your ground. and the most important thing when dealing with problems is to appreciate the people whom you love most and those who love you in return. even if its just one person.

you will never realise what you've got till you've lost that someone.

shereen is right. its trauma. im still in shock.

i didnt know how it is possible to love and hate someone at the same time. until now. i didnt know that i can be this bruised.. im beyond anger and pain, i think its sth else. i still dont understand how a person can do such things to another whom he claims he love. i have so much to say, and the more im type, the more hurt i feel.

save us.

hafiz loves his ice-cream

2008-11-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your ok?

I'm falling to pieces yeah,

I'm falling to pieces.

-The Script

about a girl.

2008-11-06T01:38:00.004+08:00

the reason why im still online at 1.38am on a thursday morning is cos i just finished my draft review (but have yet to print it) and i finally emailed a.a my proposed essay qn.

im excited right now. very excited. for the wrong reasons.
i feel like im gonna burst with excitement. i wanna scream. or hug and kiss somebody.
its been a long time since ive been this excited. but i like it. and i feel like slapping myself. sometimes when ure thinking of sth nice, u dont want to think of anything else. u just wanna drown yourself in your thoughts and then replay those thoughts for the rest of the night.

:) :) :) :)
:) :) :) :)

can we go together?

a girl gets scared sometimes.

2008-10-30T22:39:00.005+08:00

recently when i read the papers and online news, it seems that all of it are about accidents.. and deaths. sometimes when you read too much of these, you get all tense up inside. i think of hafiz, and then i don't want to think anymore. i would hate it if i had to spend my life worrying.

assignments have been a real pain in the ass. what more when your professor wants the whole class to redo his assignment just cos he doesnt feel like marking! november's gonna be hectic. its predictable. web essay, major essay, profiling, review, learning journal...

you weren't there.

2008-10-22T23:27:00.003+08:00

"last night, i knew what to say
but you, weren't there to hear it."

-the academy is

to hafiz's little sister,

2008-10-12T23:12:00.002+08:00

and oh,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AISHAH!!!!

i hope the birthday song didnt scare you off. mahahaha.

someone like you to love me.

2008-10-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

this thought has been bugging me for days now...
i think going for jalan raya next saturday might be a little bit too... late.
but the van's booked, leaves taken, time and place confirmed.. (somebody even tell me specifically to wait at the busstop!! and no place else!) so what the hell right. i just hope, kuehs will still be on the table and all. HhahahAha!

big big world.

2008-10-09T21:56:00.004+08:00

there's so much going on in the world now dont you think?
financial crisis, china's milk scare, the serangoon gardens issue. INCREASE in transport fares. INCREASE in singtel phone rates. and on top of all that, i feel like killing my sister.
the world is upside down. and when i read the papers, i wished i hadnt read it in the first place. but being ignorant doesnt help when everything is really in your face.

sometimes i think we are too self-absorbed in our busy routines.
what do you do when you see the world falling apart?

essay-madness.

2008-10-06T00:54:00.001+08:00

HAAHAHAHH!!!

selamat hari raya, mohon maaf zahir dan batin!!

i blog what i blog.

2008-09-24T23:02:00.003+08:00

sometimes i dont really want to blog tt much cos i dont think people would want to read abt my daily routine or a narration of my already boring life. the reason why i dont have a tagboard is cos people just dont tag me, and sometimes its good for me.. because there are times when u just wanna rant and rant without anybody saying anything. (or in this case, because they cant. but tts besides the point.)

i dont know why, i dont blog abt the interesting events that happened. cos i see people blog about all kind of things, from their religion to what they did for the day to their clubbing routines. so instead of blogging about pok's birthday dinner at a super posh restaurant where i had the best salmon fettucine ever, or the time when a mad man took my picture in the lift while i was going home from tuition (I WAS SUPER FREAKED OUT OK.) or the time when hafiz, fariz, shahid, wan, dayah and i went for iftar together and had a super great time... i actually blogged abt.. the prime minister's speech, or what hafiz ate. that kind of thing.

thing is, i realised that i hate hate hate to do a primary 6 composition here and narrate my day. i'd rather post pictures. but i dont really take pictures. HAH!

the stickit on my desktop says that i have to design a web face by next tues, and i have dr aquilla's minor essay to start and a media release due next thursday.

maybe this is the reason why i dont normally narrate my days, you guys wouldnt want to read abt how i research for the 4 theories of communication, would you?

friend.

2008-09-18T00:03:00.003+08:00

i am very blessed to be friends with people who are good-hearted and sincere in nature. they fill me with a sense of gratitude, happiness and most importantly companionship and love. ive always been a strong believer of the fact that its better for one to have few but close and meaningful friendships, rather than having large social circle of friends whom you dont feel comfortable with.

ive met tons of new people in university (and also avoided some, haha!) and ive learnt the importance of keeping and appreciating the past and current friendships. friends come and go, and you become close with certain and different people as you pass the different stages of your life. yet i believe it is most important to try still keep in touch with the few people that have been your close friends at some point or another.

so..
I LOVE YOU ALL FRIENDS! yeap.
and you too.

far away.

2008-09-13T01:01:00.004+08:00

in my attempt to post recent pictures, i'll post the most recent one now..

i think this boy looks extremely happy in this picture cos he had:-

grilled sambal fish
aglio olio (is that how you spell it? hafiz pronounce it as "oliolio") pasta
one and half gold rush ice-cream (half is not enough for him, he insisted on having another one all by himself.. the waitress was asking us "betul eh?" read:serious? when she took the order for the second gold rush.)

i told him that the possible reason for his cookie monster mood was because he's super happy to see me after two weeks. haha!
im very happy to see you too lah. (:

missing 04A2.

2008-09-10T22:37:00.008+08:00

i know im supposed to either be doing photoshop or reading up ben riddle's course notes. but i was in the mood to reminisce so i decided to dig up the photos from school times. i miss school, i know i said tt a million times already i think. i miss the 3 years of schooling when i had to put on the almost-green-almost-blue-almost-turquoise uniform.

i dont know what i was thinking when i decided to cut my hair short. but anw, i really enjoyed the walkathon cos basically i didnt participate in it at all! haha.. i was at the ending point with my fellow counsellors, im not quite sure what our task was.

my current desktop wallpaper. look at dayah and me. we should be shot. haha..

the first head i noticed from this picture is jayne's.. sticking out at the back. haha!

i think i havent really moved on from those times although its been a good 2 years since we left school.. i miss my classmates.. even that talk-cock bugger and the A.S! i miss my school mates, ms low, the council.

big sighs.

i really think i should probably post more recent pictures instead of these ancient ones.

fools in love.

2008-09-04T23:09:00.004+08:00

yes, helo.

2008-08-31T21:51:00.002+08:00

helo there.
lots of things happened since the last time i posted an entry. but nevermind, im so excited that the fasting month starts tmr!
have a great week friends, and selamat berpuasa!

ps ILOVEYOUHAFIZ.

i need a hafizhug.

2008-08-25T22:51:00.003+08:00

sometimes i dont understand myself.
i tend to do things on impulse.
im a worry wart too. i worry excessively sometimes till my head hurts.
and i dont know how i think, and why i think of such things.
i guess its true that when you are around a particular person for a certain period of time, you will mirror each others' views, actions, etc. i notice that subconciously, im starting to think and act like hafiz.. then i will go.. "why did i do that?" or "what was i thinking?" i dont know if its a bad or a good thing, but it certainly scares me.

i had my first lesson of the semester. again, very scary. especially the people.. but if there's anything for me to complain about.. it must be the freaking tutorial grouping. i end at 4 everyday! except for some fridays/thursdays and mondays. actually tts not so bad. but i have a 3.5 hour break everyday!! what the flying fish should i do? especially during the fasting month. i had this terrific idea of shifting my tuition in between my lectures and tutorials, only during the kids one week break of course.. and to shift some of my tuition lessons to sundays. this has been the cause of my headache for the past few days. today, i postponed my tuition with roop to sunday cos i was feeling the post-first-day-of-school syndrome.

last week, i was excited to be busy again. and now, i wish i wasnt this busy. i told you sometimes i cannot understand myself.

changing mindsets.

2008-08-19T22:56:00.003+08:00

i caught the PM's national day speech, it was interesting and like i guessed, much was emphasised on the declining birth rates. thus the many policies, subsidies, benefits and tax rebates... the desperate attempt to raise fertility rates.. but my favourite one was the 50% increase for the october gst package! anyway i think our PM has got a sense of humour..

tomorrow the boy returns to his sembawang camp after many many weeks.. i think almost 2 months of mc. secretly, im a bit sad though im not sure if i have the right to feel sad.. he still has 2 more months of NS to go!!! i have gotten used to his daily routine already and now *poof*. ive always loved fridays cos tts when i can meet him after his friday prayers... but now, no more! at least not until 11 november. suddenly, even i am anxious for his ord date. i usually dont bother when he would randomly yell "ORD OHH!!" but now i wish the date will come sooner. its been nearly 2 freaking years. hah.

just as hafiz is going back to camp, my holidays also end.. as of this week.. dont ask me what ive done over the past month. ive been to karaoke again with the two yoga chicks but other than that.. noooooo... even my bag is not fixed. i have preoccupied myself with home, tuition and hafiz.. and recently, olympics.. for this whole month.. when some of my buddies have gone away for a holiday. can i like go for a holiday end of this year? pretty please. ive received my timetable.. and it looks ok, except i don't know how to squeeze my tuition classes in, especially for the fasting month. its causing me a big headache now. talking about tuition, ive realised that i have zero knowledge in science. my science, like my math, have all gone down the drain. at least ive done alevel math these past few months, but science... i cannot even explain primary 6 science properly. i had to sms hafiz during tuition with sushant today.. "whats brace and bit?" "what's an axle?".. what the hell.
i hate science.
and math.

on a lighter note,
ive checked my next holidays though, mid november to mid january! YEAAAAAAY!
and courtesy of my father, im finally going for the sg flyer ride this sat! cant wait cant wait. for the popeye's after that too.

ps i hope you'll enjoy the last few weeks of your ns days, its coming to an end soon! so, treasure them alright! and, i hope you'll come with us for our shopping spree this friday! iluah.

a thousand miles.

2008-08-12T22:42:00.006+08:00

for me, FOUR days draws the line of sanity.
the day after, i'll still be ok. the 2nd day i start to feel abit uneasy. the 3rd day, i'll start pestering him. he will be annoyed most of the time.. and tonight, just like many other nights, he will totally ignore me. by the 4th day, i will shut up.

i've seen many relationships either bloom or turned bitter. i've watched and experienced the many phases of a relationship, be it my own, my parents, my friends or anyone else. i understand no relationship is perfect and that each one has its own set of problems. more often than not, i wish that i can turn to my parents for advice when i face a problem with hafiz, but i've seen my mom cry because of my dad, and i've seen my dad cry because of my mum. i watched, learnt and tell myself not to make the same mistakes that my parents did. hafiz once told me, "only they can solve the problems between themselves, you cant do anything." true. because in a relationship, it is essential to solve a problem the most amicable way, where both parties would agree without feeling that they are being forced to. of course its easier said than done, i know that for myself. things happen for a reason, and they happen to make or break a relationship. i just hope that my relationship with my loved ones (esp YOU) will strengthen with each obstacle faced. insyaallah.

anyway, the phone bill came. and miraculously, its not as much as i had expected it to be. thank God. but still, i got a earful, ironically not from my parents. i will curb my smses. i will try to. seriously money can make me go mad. i dont spend as much as i used to alright! living in sg is seriously tough, high cost of living, high level of stress. i am much more happier living in a farm with my husband and family, or a small cottage by the sea. anything. my wants are fairly simple.

ok, i hope after reading this entry, you guys will still have the energy to read this piece of article from the straits time:-

http://www.straitstimes.com/Our%2BColumnists/Column/STIStory_266543.html?vgnmr=1

"But one thing these stories had in common was that they all revolved around the Police Academy in Thomson. As I got older, it puzzled me why my Chinese friends constantly referred to NS as 'army'. In my family and among my Malay friends, being enlisted in the army was like hitting the jackpot. The majority served in the police force because, as is known, the Government was not comfortable with Malay Muslims serving in the army. But there are more of them now.

Throughout my life, my father has always told me that as a Malay, I need to work twice as hard to prove my worth. He said people have the misconception that all Malays are inherently lazy...."

go and read it!

coffee and tv.

2008-08-11T20:26:00.006+08:00

it is a saturday evening. and here i am, with my favourite book and a cup of coffee. he wanted to meet me and i agreed. not that i was eager to meet him, but the boyfriend had plans and i was bored, so why not. he has a book too, but i dont think he is reading it, neither do i. i didnt tell him much about me, he doesnt need to know all that. but he told me of his past loves, his present love and his dreams. i wasnt sure of what to say, i am not even sure if i'm supposed to be here with him.

i wish he didnt say what he said. but he did. it's not his fault, i tell myself. he doesnt even know about my boyfriend, or what type of person he is. he just says it sincerely from his heart and it somehow made me contemplate and wonder, whether i am really complete. i ask myself, "am i really that happy with him?" i do love him, ive always thought that he was my everything. and that my world revolves around him. but now, as i sit beside this guy, laughing at his spontaneous jokes.. i start to wish he was mine. maybe he wasnt perfect, but i know somehow he can make me happy.

all i want is to be happy.

he said.

2008-08-07T22:12:00.003+08:00

he said,
"how i wish i can see ur dead body lying in front of me,
tat wld spell the end of my terrible days,
how i wish i cld cry tears of joy seeing u dead."

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau biarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
hanya tulusnya hati
mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu

anuar zain - ketulusan hati

random.

2008-07-31T20:30:00.000+08:00

whenever im going home from tuition, there will always be this cranky man in the same 187 with me. he is super cranky, i think he is 10 times more cranky than hafiz and my father and me put together.

anw, im super loving my new phone already!
THANK YOU SAYANG!

2008-07-24T14:26:00.002+08:00

the picture as promised:-
just look at her cheeks! you would feel like kissing her all over.

anyway, ive finished reading a leap of love by catherine lim. thanks aishah (:
since yesterday i was thinking of compiling a list of things that i would like to do during this one month or so.. i wish i can have the bloody tickets to singfest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

before 25th august

go for at least one k-box session, or two, or three!
dinner at simpang bedok
visit nenek
paint the toilet
the luge at sentosa
east coast (rollerblading!)
ice skating
fix the bag

holiday mood.

2008-07-21T13:43:00.002+08:00

exams are finally over!! that means its a one month holiday!
though it sucks to be staying home alone when the sisters are all schooling, i still got the company of my parents (both took 1 week leave this whole week, of all weeks).. and not forgetting the boy, who still has 3 weeks of mc left. hahaa..
so mr abdul hafiz and my fellow friends, you guys better take me out! im actually craving for another round of karaoke session, how?

i went for imah's baby girl cukur rambut function the other day with syarina and mabel. (gosh i miss that woman!) my goodness, the baby is darn chubby.. and when i carried it, i swear our cheeks are similar.. (cept maybe her's is baby fats, and mine are just plain fats).. point is, she's adorable. haha.. i will upload a picture soon.

its pouring heavily here but i gotta run to meet the boy. see you folks. have a great week..

ps (the tuition kid's mom just smsed me, i got no tuition today! woowee..!) not that i hate tuition ok, but having it everyday can be quite tiring.

god sent.

2008-07-13T22:32:00.003+08:00

sometimes i think, what was all that for?
why me? why him? why us? why now? what now?
i dont usually know the answers to my questions. but after all this time, i still believe that it was all fated. i told my mum once (or was it a few times) that he was God-sent. and up till now, i still think so.
i am willing to go through it all over again. even when im left feeling like a fool at the end of the day.
love. is it always like this?

anyway, ive just rejected a friend's offer to go to the movies tmr. although i wanna watch wanted and a whole lot of movies.. i dont have any mood for movies right now until next friday's over. EXAMS LARH. wish me luck my friends, and have a beautiful week. (:

strangle.

2008-07-11T02:17:00.001+08:00

soemtimes i miss the boy, but i wish i could strangle him at the same time.

im grumpy like you.

2008-07-07T23:20:00.004+08:00

after watching so you think you can dance on tv, something striked me when i was having my late night shower. but its a thought so ridiculous i dont wish to even voice it out.

today i spend 5/8 of the day sleeping, 1/8 of it going for tuition in the morning, and another 2/8 of it watching television and speaking on the phone. seriously i wish i was out. its youth day! and its the 7th! i dont want to be rubbing it in, but yeah it is the 7th of the month. its always the day that i look forward to every month.. and this month the date seems nice isnt it, the 7th of 7. but then again, to think of it... i think i was better off studying than waiting for something incredible to happen. NEVER MIND.

well it looks like im spending next saturday alone again, any takers? anyone? ain, are you working? you can be my date for the saturdays to come.. i dont mind..

you know i think day by day im beginning to think and sound more like __________ *gasp!*. i dont want to even try to be happy or optimistic anymore. its becoming more and more tiring each day. sometimes you feel very pek chek.. but you dont know who or what you're frustrated with. i wish i dont even give a damn. he said im ignorant. HAH. HOW I WISH I WAS REALLY THAT IGNORANT. now i feel like snapping at everyone im having a conversation with. but what am i unhappy about, seriously??

sighs.

Kasihku
Hanya kau sahaja di hatiku
Hanya kau satu yang ku rindu
Setiap waktu tak pernah rasa jemu

Saat kau tiba
Terasa sungguh bahagia
Jalinan indah mesra bersamamu
Sehingga cinta yang pertama

Dengarkanlah bicara cintaku
Aku ingin selalu di sisimu
Dengarkanlah bicara rinduku
Pinta hati ini yang ingin bersamamu selamanya

Senyum tawamu
Terbawa selalu dalam mimpi
Hingga tak mampu untuk kulupakan
Kau sering di dalam ingatan

glenn fredly ft amy mastura - dengarkanlah

but still, happy monthsary to you.
i love you.

im unhappy.

2008-07-05T20:15:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish that the many things in my mind can be put down into words. but now.. like ain, ive been blogging in my head. because my feelings are at times, too insensitive and too crude to be read by all.. or rather, the few of you who actually take the time to read my blog.

i think alot. and when im alone, i tend to think of unhappy things. sometimes i think it has got to be the time of the month.. when im extra emotional, extra unhappy, extra cranky, extra hungry, extra thirsty, extra lazy, extra paranoid, extra possessive, extra tired. ok you probably get what i mean. i would be at my worst during this time of the month, and no amount of shopping or hershey chocolate pies (ive had 2 this week already) can make me less emotional.

actually i should be studying.. now that the exams are in a week's time. its worrying that im already planning activities for the one month break before i even start studying.. haha!

ps i love you yang.

shopaholic thoughts.

2008-06-27T21:36:00.004+08:00

im too tired to be blogging in proper sentences. bleah.
been busy giving tuition to cute little kids. (: been busy and tired. ive been turning into hafiz and sleeping early the past few days. hahah.

ZARA sales is finally on! i want that gladiator sandals from zara. and a pair of new havainas. red colour. can i not update the list on the left hand corner of this blog? i dont buy the things that i initially wanted but end up buying some other things instead..
like the charles and keith sandals ive been eyeing. the one lalat wore today to school. the one on promotion. I JUST HAD TO GRAB IT.
but i still want that sandals from zara. i hope ain reserves it for me.
and i want the shoes that my mom said made my legs look stunted. i still want it. or rather them.
and a new bag would be just fine.
but first i need to repair that one.

ok nvm. have a great, (not to forget HOT & HUMID) weekend my fellow friends..

help.

2008-06-19T21:31:00.003+08:00

i thought my wants and needs are fairly simple. until now.

my decisions.

2008-06-18T21:30:00.003+08:00

sometimes, there's a million things running through your mind and you really want to tell that somebody about these thoughts. yet when there is a chance for you to do so, words alone cannot express whatever that is in your mind. or just perhaps, you arent exactly sure of what you're feeling in the first place.

yosephine's boyfriend and his family came over to visit her from indonesia to celebrate her birthday today (happy birthday phine!) it made me question myself whether i am brave enough to make the decisions that will inevitably cost me my freedom of having time and communication at leisure with my other half. somewhere in the day, i knew the answer to my question. the problem is, i dont know whether i should be pleased or be ashamed of it. hafiz would think otherwise of course, he is always someone who is determined enough not to let matters of the heart get in his way of accomplishing things that are going to be beneficial for the future. sometimes i envy him. but then again, whats wrong with reconsidering your decisions for the sake of the people you love most? including them in your decision making will simply tell how much they and their opinions matter to you. decisions do not have to be major, including them in decision making can be as simple as "do you think i should cut my hair, or just the fringe?" (:

just now i wanted to tell him, "im afraid i wont have much time with you once i take up this assignment". i knew what his response will be of course, so i put it in another way hoping to get a more definite answer. "do you mind me taking up the new assignment?"
he said its up to me.
seriously if its really up to me, i would have rejected it. because i would want my wednesdays and saturday mornings open for him. so that if he suddenly has the urge to have a gold rush or sticky chewy chocolate on a mid week, he can just tell me in the morning.. and i would have said "YES!".
but after giving it much thought, i took it up anyway. partly because i knew that he would have asked me to do the same if i ever told him about what was really bothering me. (well he did ask me, and i gave some sweeping statement). on the other hand, if it was him facing this situation, he would not even ask me for my opinion.. haha!.. but if he did, i would probably throw tantrums, sulk all day, pick random fights and ask him to reconsider his decision a few million times. in simple terms, one can say that i wouldnt be very happy.

"love complicates matters," they say. perhaps what really complicate matters are people themselves. perhaps people like me. maybe if people are more like hafiz and less like syahirah, practical decisions would be made without much fuss. (:

i can leave.

2008-06-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.

Lisa Loeb- Stay

the slipper.

2008-06-15T20:12:00.003+08:00

a girl can never have enough tops, i discovered as i looked through my wardrobe for tomorrow's outfit. dont get me wrong.. i dont exactly dress up for school. im happy with a comfortable shirt and a pair of jeans. i usually go to school either in my whatever flats or often, my year old havainas. my sister told me a few times that i had a "weird sense of fashion". hahaha.
but i dont want to be caught wearing the same shirt thrice, or even twice, in that same week.. im not saying its wrong. but i would prefer not to.

this is the problem of going to a tertiary school. you can literally waste half an hour thinking of what to wear for the next day. well, at least for me. i would first scan through the whatever choices i have.. (i colour-coded my wardrobe btw. hah.) then i would pick a top according to my mood or the timetable for the next day.. (whether its gonna be a long day, or just a 3 hour session).. and then after picking, i would start to contemplate. then i would start wishing that i had more choices.. i would then shift my attention to the next wardrobe available (my sis's), and when i am in desperate need for choices, i'll go to the wardrobe in the master room (my mum's). 99.9% of the time, i'll return to my wardrobe.

besides tops, a girl can also never have enough bags, earrings (for me at least), make-up products, lingerie and shoes. but i think i had enough of shoes. when i was working, i think i bought an average of 2 shoes per month... all of which are heels. my fetish for peep toe heels and pointed pumps is like my fetish for chocolate fudge cake. now i rarely wear them because i dont exactly like wearing heels to school. as mentioned, im better off in slippers or birkinstocks. i seriously dont want to look and feel corporate when im in school, and i would rather go bare-footed when im sitting for a test.

so why this issue about slippers being too sloppy? an article in "lifestyle" today talks about the slipper trend in sg and there were obviously two sides to it, some say slippers are perfect for hot weather and the other side were against slippers in restaurants, schools and some other places. seriously whats wrong with wearing slippers to school? i am fully aware that some polytechnics do not encourage students to wear slippers.. but unless you're giving a formal presentation or going to play sports or going into a science lab to do experiments, i dont see why one cant wear slippers to campus.

the most interesting part of the article was a comment by a reader, who mentioned that there are double standards to this slipper issue. girls who wear slippers are considered as casual but men who walks around in slippers are deemed as sloppy. secretly i agree with her.

all this talk about slippers is tempting me to get a new pair as soon as i get the moolahs. ive been eyeing some pairs for quite some time now. mhahaha..

point is: get well soon.

2008-06-13T23:11:00.005+08:00

i had a brief conversation on msn with ain yesterday about something that is bothering me. the disturbing thing is, it is still bothering me and i cant seem to part with the thought of someone changing and developing so much in such a short period of time. is one year short? well i think it is, considering how much development that person have made. but the whole problem is, why am i thinking so much about it? what should i be feeling? help me out here.

on a lighter note,
i skipped school today. (:
but, i managed to finish up my part of the econs project. and i also met up with the two lovers today. hah.

went for yoga in the late morning with ain, and then off to visit the "injured" boy. seeing him all bandaged up like that really tempts me to just step on his foot. maybe that is the retribution for being so stubborn. but i guess he is making progress, from walking on crutches to just limping. seeing him limp to the kitchen to get us drinks, and then limp back. and then limp again to get the polar cakes, really made me laugh.
sometime, just looking at us together tickles me.

THEN: our first picture together, taken with my iriver (R.I.P), after he had a run and i was rushing to have a council picture taken. (we were not even together, then.)

NOW: 2 years and 9 months later, taken by muz with his phone, during a ice-cream supper at swensens. i had no idea what i was doing or thinking at that time but hafiz was clearly rubbing his tummy. lol.

tell me that you need me.

2008-06-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

im addicted to two things now:- facebook and chocolate waffles.
ive never thought that i'll be addicted to facebook. the past few months, i refuse to make a facebook account, but thaza introduced me to wordplay, and im addicted since. facebook is so much more fun than friendster..
the chocolate waffles part, dont ask me. but i think the addiction is wearing out. its something like the bubble tea phase.. sometimes i'll go crazy over bubble tea and sometimes not.

efts research report is officially over. frankly speaking, i didnt spend much time on it. i dont think its worth the 20%. and just now, when the lecturer showed us the sample exam paper... the whole class was taken aback. it was madness. nobody can finish that freaking paper in 2 hours. that aside, econs project is yet to be done. i think there's so much to be done in a span of 2 months. its quite crazy. 2 projects and tons of tests. but thank God, math is managable.. i think. its so much better than differentiation and integration FOR SURE.

actually the reason im blogging is because im a bit pissed off.
im not sure for what or why.. but i think im getting sick of some things. like being patient for example. and always being the one thinking and thinking. maybe its the effect of so many things piling up and so many things happening at the same time. im not sure if some people really know what i feel about certain things.. im sure i made my stand clear on some things.. but if it doesnt ring a bell, then im gonna bloody shut up. maybe its because i dont see things the way other people do.. maybe i feel that some things are unnecessary now. maybe i need something more than some people think i do. maybe im just feeling too much.

i think some people just dont get it, or they dont want to get it, just like how they think people dont get them... but i think in the first place, they dont want people to.
i am thinking too much. im sick of this.

report-ED

2008-06-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

i've finished the bloody report. YES done. except for bibliography part, but that can be done over the weekend, when im editing and finalising everything.

now, i can have my 7th of the month with a peaceful mind.

Thank you God.

the meaning behind.

2008-06-03T22:35:00.004+08:00

i dont even know why im blogging now. my back is aching and i intend to finish mike gayle's his n hers.. (mike gayle is awesome next to nora roberts!) i think the main reason why im doing this right now is because i need to pen this down somewhere.

i pass my statistic math. i freaking passed. and to me its a good pass. its above average.

i think what a friend said to me the other time is true to a certain extent. he thinks that bloggers are a bunch of self-centred people because all they do in their blogs is talk about what they did that day and complain abt what they dont like and rant and rant. "like people actually give a damn", or sth like that. well he obviously doesnt have a blog.. and he obviously doesnt know anything about blogs nowadays. i bet he hasnt even heard of citizen journalism (the topic of my report!) or blogs like mrbrown or yawningbread. and i bet he isnt aware that voyeurism exists! people generally want to know what other people went through that day and this especially applies to the ones close to them... for me, blogs represent the writer. how he expresses himself through his blog can tell you alot about what kind of person he can turn out in real life. thats what i think.. you wouldnt want to blog about something that you dont genuinely feel for, do you.. why even bother?

but still, i feel like one of those idiots what he is referring to now.. but hell, im happy for myself. im happy to tell hafiz that i can do statistics. and i can tell him what about math that i actually hate.. (algebra, differentiation and integration all that crap) and plus to top it all, i topped my class in the past econs test. i think i deserve a reward.. like a cup of bubble tea or sth.. ive also put in like a total of 5 hours on the darn report today. its like project work all over, except this is quite rushed! but its better that you would have to do it on your own so you dont need to work with a thousand people just for one report.

ok i know this is random, but i just got to know that popeyes not only have outlets in terminal 2 and the sg flyer (newly opened), it has one in terminal 3 too!! so there's like 3 outlets here in singapore! i went to terminal 3 the other time but there was no sight of popeyes.. anyway, i absolutely adore their chickens and buns! but the boy still thinks kfc is tops no matter what. he's like the type of person who will stick to the one thing he likes and will refuse to try anything else.. well ok not exactly refuse.. but rather not. and will not.

another random thing here, but i love sunsets.. do you know that you can tell what type of person they are according to their preference for sunsets or sunrises.. but i forgot whats their significance. HAH. do you love sunsets or sunrise more hafiz?

YOU SLEEP TOO EARLY.

2008-05-31T21:21:00.004+08:00

do boys feel the same way when they received smses from us? sometimes i would smile and giggle to myself when i receive an sms from him. when my ringtone indicates that he is calling.. my heart starts beating fast. at times, i still feel like a secondary school girl receiving calls from her crush. muahahaha. but the best part is, i always have the habit of calling him at the wrong time.. often when i anticipate hearing his voice telling me he misses me.. i will get a "PALAH I TENGAH BUSY LA!!" instead. i will put down the phone immediately.
i really hate him sometimes.

today we were supposed to go out, but something cropped up last minute and thus we had to cancel our plans. im a bit upset but actually we dont exactly have any plans.. we didnt know what to do. i really wish that singapore would have those kind of normal amusement parks.. the ones that wont burn a hole in the pockets. i want hafiz to bring me on a ferris wheel ride and win me a huge teddy bear. and then we'll eat a huge pink candy floss together... we'll go ride the horses that go round and round.. i dont know whats that called.
or better, i want singapore to have drive-thru cinemas.. we'll munch popcorns and eat hot dogs while we watch the movie in the car.

anyway, watched p.s i love you. i know im abit outdated. it was a nice movie. i cried thirty minutes into the movie. and i continued weeping and weeping.. cos it was so sweet. ive been quite a crybaby these days. i visited my neighbour in hospital and when i saw her, frail and so small on the hospital bed.. tears welled up. i quickly moved to the back of the ward.. before everyone starts staring.

like i mentioned, i have a report to do and everything.. but it was postponed to next next week so i got my butt saved, at least for a while. i just hope i'll pass my mid term maths test and the econs test and the accounts test.. all the tests la.

you work and work like a robot.

2008-05-26T21:47:00.004+08:00

The Fray - All At Once

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another

ranting.

2008-05-24T15:22:00.003+08:00

less than a week of work and im beginning to think that its a bad idea. why not?!
when you're RE keeps calling and asking whether you can make it to work this day and that day.. if i were to succumb to him, i would have to work the whole of this week now.. except for yesterday. i am schooling for God's sakes!!
i have accounts test next wednesday and up till now, i got no idea how to start answering a question!
and i have a 3000 word report due next 2 weeks!
to top it all, exams is in july!
maybe this is really a bad idea.. i thought that they would be more flexible with students.. i dont end school at 2.. i end at 5! i am so wrong! maybe its the sales period... but whatever it is, 6 out of 7 days working? tt means its 12 hours every freaking day.

what am i supposed to do now?
sigh.

its a lot of hard work.

2008-05-20T13:51:00.004+08:00

i started work yesterday. it was ok..
i hate to walk all the way to suntec really. it is such a bloody long walk.. what with the city link mall and the new underground pass to suntec city.
seriously can i not work??? it is soo uber tiring to be working and studying at the same time. i just wish that i can just go to school.. and somebody would fund me all the money that i need. why cant money just drop from the sky. or appear out of nowhere.. like under the pillows or in between your favourite book. or even better when you check your savings, the figures would suddenly increase double or triple times.
do i sound like a spoilt brat? or rather a slightly mad kid?

on a lighter note..
i was right, he went to terengganu.
but he is back!
just now, i tested him the psychology test. he is so predictable sometimes. i can almost predict what his answers are... except for the tiger part. why the hell would he choose a tiger? im so not a tiger. and to think of it, he's no elephant either.

i really really miss hafiz. and the thing i hate most when i have to work is that i dont have much time with him. when we were back in school, we would meet before school, meet during break, meet during lunch, meet after school.. and this would happen from monday to friday. and i am still not sick of him. in fact i look forward to going to school everyday!! haha!
but anyway, i block my friday and saturday from work. so that i can finish up all the report writing or whatever assignments that i could possibly have.. and so i can have my well-deserved date with the boy after a hell of a week.
i hope he understands. i hope he knows why im doing all this. and i hope that he is trying his best to make time for us, because i have tried my best too.

i hope that amidst my super tight schedule, i would still have time for my family, girlfriends, for him, for my studies especially and for my prayers too.. now i know why some say that 24 hours a day is not enough.
i think that if i would just need 3 or 4 hours of sleep everyday, i could probably do sooo much more. hah.
sigghs.. so we'll just wait for the weekend.

whines and sleep.

2008-05-17T14:51:00.002+08:00

gg<5 accepted my part-time application. an im starting on the public holiday. bleah. but i am thankful of course.. although a little part of me still wish that durian shop would just call me to tell when i can start work. heh. dont ask me why.
i didnt get enough sleep yesterday night. the baby sister had fever and was whining the whole night. i had to wake up in between sleep and attend to her. the log sleeping beside me was as alive as a dead corpse and so it was up to me to tend to syarina's whines.

i met the boy yesterday!
to think of it, we didnt do much. went gallivanting around suntec city (and to think that i'll be working there. goodness) we had dinner at far east sakura and then we sipped bubble tea and helped my sister pick out dvds at video ezy. and then he sent me home. and this morning, he drove to somewhere (terengganu i think) with his family for a holiday cum celebration of his brother's birthday.
i miss him, already.
i mean if its a weekday, then i wouldnt mind cos i'll be bogged down with school and all. but its a weekend! and a long one too. sighsigh.

no mood already la.
no mood to start on research paper, although its due in 3 weeks time. and the topic i chose is madness. i mean its interesting but i dont know where i'll get reliable materials and articles for it.
no mood to work cos i know i'll be darn tired at the end of the day and im like wondering whether im able to study then. but if i dont work then i'll have no money. haiyahhh.

chasing pavements.

2008-05-12T21:14:00.003+08:00

i don't know what is the right thing to say or how to make it right anymore. frankly speaking, i would just wish that tears would stop rolling and my sisters would stop watching me cry my eyes out.
i guess its true what they say, the degree of hurt that you feel depends on how much you love that person in the first place.

beautiful distractions.

2008-05-10T18:53:00.002+08:00

i am a happy girl today because of a few things..
first and foremost, my father gave me his notebook. so now i have my own notebook to store my what-nots! although it feels quite second-hand, he bought me a wireless connector, a singtel mobile broadband, a notebook skin and the bag to keep it in.. and its pink! i am so thankful of all that!

secondly, yesterday we finally had the date that we've been anticipating for weeks! we had dinner at lau pa sat and then went over to one fullerton to chill. its a pity we didnt have a camera or else i'll force hafiz to take more pictures! as usual some people got quite nervous at first but i think it turned out quite the way they intended at the end of the day. (= i was overall.. quite happy with the progress. reached home near midnight.. thank God the parents were quiet about it.

i cant wait for our next date!! and this time, ain must come too. lets go luge or something, have our picnic date! go beach, play sand! but first i gotta get income!

him.

2008-04-28T22:17:00.003+08:00

saturday
seeing him laugh like that makes me wish i could make him laugh everyday of the week.
just so i could, if i was fast enough,
catch a glimpse of that twinkle in his eyes.

sometimes it just scares you to think of how much your world revolves around a person.
a normal human being whom, could just wake up one morning to realise that he doesnt love you anymore.

i miss you, everyday.

2008-04-25T23:38:00.008+08:00

today after the lps dinner, i went home by myself. its not that ive grown accustomed to being alone in the train, just listening to the mp3 and staring into space..
but the boy look so darn tired, i couldnt bear to let him suffer frm raffles to jurong to simei..
the feeling only lasted a while, tears welling up when you part.. but after that it will be ok. after what happened yesterday i figured, if he doesnt bother, why should you? but thats besides the point.

i decided to take 334 home today instead of walking from lakeside. the bus was crowded but i managed to have a seat beside a guy who was busy playing soccer on his handphone. as usual i listened to the mp3, deep in my own thoughts..
so after a while, the guy decided to stop playing and was staring into blank space also.
and then he took out his wallet and flip it open.
i noticed his gesture so i managed to catch a glimpse of a neoprint of him with his girlfriend in the wallet.
he stares at it for a total of 10 seconds.. and then he closed his wallet.

less than 3 seconds later, he flips it open again. and then this time i saw him carressing the photo, particularly his gf's face.. before he closes it again.

i was touched at that point of time.. what with daniel bedingfield's if you're not the one playing on the mp3. that small gesture has a thousand wonderful meaning.. plus its so rare to see a guy doing that!!

which makes me wonder whether hafiz ever does that? i just tucked in a small picture of myself into his wallet the moment we just met today. im not sure if he even knows that its there.. its all an interesting coincidence..

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

make me happy please.

2008-04-23T19:54:00.003+08:00

its been 3 days now since i first started school. i dont know if i should be happy.. now that im back in school.

its been hard, truthfully. being exempted for half semester doesnt do me any good.. besides paying lesser for the course fees. my foundation subjects - math, accounting and economics. ive no problems with refreshing my mind with economics, but accounting and math.. ESPECIALLY MATH. i have no math background. the last time ive formally touched math was emath back in secondary school.. and now im doing differentiation, integration, statistics, probability.. and and and.. ive to sit for exams in 2 months time.

and it doesnt help that i have yet to purchase the textbooks (which practically cost a bomb).. the lecturers basically take their tutorial questions from these textbooks so there is no way im gonna scrap through foundation year without having my hands on them. seriously, i dont think they are worth my 100 bucks plus cos i'll only be using them for 2 months!

maybe i forgot how stressful it was having to worry for exams and how tiring it was to pay attention in class. now that ive to sit for 3 hours lectures, do tutorials and worry about exams.. i find it.. (gasps!) even more depressing than working...
ok maybe thats a bit too far-fetched, but you get the idea..

to top it all, my finances are super tight.
ive never ever in my whole life wished that my parents were richer.
but now i wish they are!
so that i dont have to take a bank loan for my course fees (speaking of which, my bank loan is yet to be settled, i have yet to pay my first instalment to the school!!), so that i have no qualms about buying the textbooks.. even if im just going to be using them for 2 months only, so that i dont have to get a part-time job to support my personal expenses and this would mean i can just concentrate on school.
and im so pissed with myself for spending money on lunch.. cos i think im wasting money.. i seriously need help.
make me happy please.

what i so need now is just to crawl into hafiz's arms and for him to give me a good nag on how things would be alright.
i miss having lau pa sat with him! its funny to think of the times when i was working at gg<5.. when we used to have late dinners at lau pa sat or lps(hafiz's own acronym) almost 3 times a week.. now we rarely meet that much..
i miss watching movies with him.. passing popcorns and watching him sleep halfway through the movie..
Sigh.

maybe we'll turn it around.

2008-04-20T19:46:00.004+08:00

i cant seem to post any pictures!!
DAMN IT!

anw, im going back to school tomorrow!
its sudden i know! but the school sent me a letter the past monday saying i qualify for the half foundation programme, which means its gonna be shorter and cheaper route for me. i was running up and down, to the bank, to the school.. and at the same time... finding a suitable way to quit my job. muahahHA! but its settled now. the job part that is.
i gotta find a part time job. seriously. or else i'll have to resort to walking to tiong bahru and start eating grass.
money is seriously a big problem.

have a great week everyone!

be fine.

2008-04-13T15:48:00.002+08:00

i had one of the best moments on friday.
met up with azlin, ain and dayah for dinner. its been a year since i saw dayah.
the four of us caught up with each other and took a million pictures..
ain, i didnt get the pic on the email.. cos there was none! maybe u can pass them to me through thumbdrive..

anw, i am not sure if im doing the right thing..
but im gonna start school soon!
back to books and notes! hoorah!

nevertheless, i would still love you.

2008-04-05T16:18:00.003+08:00

its a very gloomy saturday.
too gloomy that i wished i was working this weekend instead of being stuck at home.
this morning left us with a crooked fan and two crying girls. some people just cannot control their outrageous temper. even over drenched laundry.
personally i think that most of those who dont control their temper just dont wish to. they are selfish humans who wants other people to response and act accordingly to satisfy their own interests.
i mean seriously, its okay to be angry once in a while when things dont go your way, but certainly not to the extent of damaging the house fan and lifting the sofa, for God's sakes. you are totally unreasonable when it comes to handling problems in the family.
what will it take for you to overcome your temper? when you start to see your loved ones dying at your feet?

you know sometimes after all the shit you went through the whole day, you just want somebody who can hug you and say nice things to you at the end of the day. most of us girls just need a few comforting words to make it all better. i dont know why its so hard to get simple encouragement from you sometimes.
is this what every couple go through?

i dont blame your NS. because i understand its tough for you.. or any other guys for that matter.
but you have made it clear to me so many times that you dont want to meet me because you dont want to send me all the way home.
you dont want to meet me all the time because our dates costs a lot.
now im breathing down your neck.
you need to enjoy when you're still young.
you prefer to go gallivanting and swimming than meet me.
and then when you really need me, you tell me you're meeting me.
you cant take no for an answer. i have to put in every drop of effort to meet you.
so what if on that particular day, i prefer to go gallivanting instead?
must i be at your beck and call?
i dont think any gf deserve all that spiteful names.
i know sometimes i tend to demand, but have i not reciprocate enough? you are always telling me that im only taking and not giving. what have i not given enough to you?
i can spare you 6 days out of my 7 days in a week. you spare me 1.
and you're telling me that i should be grateful.

why have the things you've been doing for more than 2 years have now become chores?
what have i become? another burden in your life?

do you really love me like how you tell me every morning, every day?
do you?

maybe tomorrow.

2008-03-21T21:55:00.015+08:00

is it wrong to be thinking of the past too much? and to linger in such thoughts? i feel like i cant move on since the day i left school. i miss school, i miss all my friends, i miss the council, i miss the old crumbling building.

its not like i dont like changes. i love changes every now and then.. but somehow i wish i could like be there forever and not move on. i wouldnt mind.

its been more than a year now. its like i cant get over a bad break up. haha..

how i wish holidays come every friday of the week. or monday even!
i love long weekends! even if i have nothing to do! yoga yesterday was one of the intensive sessions ive ever had. i was sweating like.. how hafiz sweats when he runs! tsk. i was practically soaking the yoga mat. but it felt really good, except i had a big headache after all that positions. HAHA!
now im aching everywhere.

and yesterday ain told me some very surprising news!! anw, im really happy for you la! life is full of sweet surprises sometimes. lalala...

anw, i have not watch the leap years yet BUT i so love the music piece. you guys might probably recognize the piano and violins which is featured in its trailer. very darn sweet. and somewhat depressing.. but i love it!! i could like hear it on the repeat on the way home from work. work makes me depressed? Hahah... seeing divorce files everyday can drive you to madness sometimes.

ok, im gonna enjoy a whole pint of cookies and cream ice-cream now. =) have a good weekend everyone!

am i living it right?

2008-03-16T20:24:00.004+08:00

today is an-almost-perfect sunday.
i get to meet hafiz for breakfast this morning.
went home, got my afternoon nap.
woke up and had a movie marathon -school for scroundels and just like heaven. (i know im abit outdated but just-like-heaven is good!! why didnt anybody tell me!! and anw, i managed to catch music and lyrics too!! and it was nice too!!)
and then i packed my bag and ironed my clothes for work tmr.
and now i even have time to blog!
plus, it didnt rain the whole day!

i just wish i had a teeny weeny more time with the boy...

anw, can i just confess something:
im already sick of working. or maybe working at where im working now?
i dont know why! everything's ok except for some stress here and there.
but it just doesnt feel right..
i seriously dont know whats right for me anymore.

probably my girls will not be surprised once they hear this.
i get sick and bored of things too easily.
i cannot believe that its happening again... they'll probably nag at my ears off.
i feel like shooting myself.

i need some enlightenment!!!!
anybody?

2.5

2008-03-06T20:41:00.003+08:00

before anything...

HAPPY 2 and half YEARS! in advance..
i love you more and more each passing day dear..
sorry for the snappiness, bitchiness, stubborness, idiotness. HAHA!

his 22nd birthday.

2008-02-24T19:46:00.004+08:00

after reading ain's blog, i was kind of thankful that i didnt join in for yoga this week.
headstands. HEADSTANDS???
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
i could barely cope with senthil's (or isit saumik?) hot yoga moves.. what more headstands my dearest. i would probably break my neck on the yoga mat.
we are going for hot yoga this week? is YOUR instructor back from his long leave yet?
anw, if you wanna have "personal sessions" with him, then you gotta be more than willing to sacrifice your 1 year savings for that 1 hour with him.
next time round, maybe alin and i can be at our usual places, instead of joining us, you can opt to be right in front.. then you can have a cleeaaaar view.
better still, he can help you "stretch".. maHAHah!

anyway,
the boy has turned twenty-two!
and the first thing he did was to remind me of how older he is than me..
ok, we are officially 2 years apart -for now.
we spent his birthday at lau pa sat eating the usual 5-5-5-5 combo.. but i had my baby squid!! mahahha.
do you like your birthday present abdul hafiz?? and can i remind you that you owe me $500 bucks??!! (=

i hate sunday evenings.
because its gonna be another long week starting from tomorrow!!!
i know i shouldnt be ranting. but i feel like a zombie from monday to friday.. its like go work, go home, go work, go home.. what's more, the boy's always busy nowadays.
WHEN'S YOUR AUDIT?? is it going to be over soon..?
please have plenty of rest and drink more water.. dont work too hard. you work like there's no tomorrow..

i love you. happy 22nd birthday yang.

like before.

2008-02-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

i miss you ABDUL HAFIZ!!!!!!!!!!

viva italia!

2008-02-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

i finally got to meet up with my girlfriends yesterday for jayne's birthday dinner. she got a pretty diamond ring from us and a kiss on her cheek from an italian lad!! talk about turning twenty-one!

"viva italia!!" muahaha.
okay, the food was really great though i didnt finish it.
the only down part of yesterday was the bloody 502 which was practically crawling on the road. to top it all, the traffic lights were such a bitch.. every stupid traffic light that the crawling bus was nearing turned red!! i reached home only at midnight. and my parents were and still are mad at me i guess.
i mean seriously.. i dont actually like go home at midnight every single day.. besides, its the bus's fault! i could reach home half an hour earlier if not for the crawling bus. i swore i had every temptation to just flag a cab.. but my budget was tight and pok was telling me.. "dont lah sya.. taxi cab already so high, don't waste money.."
lesson learnt: just take the mrt home.

anyway, the singapore flyer is already spinning! if you guys are interested to have a ride, you can check out: www.singaporeflyer.com.sg for more details.
what's cooler is that they even have solemnization packages!! imagine, saying out your marriage vows overlooking the CBD area and the singapore river. they say you can even see malaysia and a bit of indonesia from up there! its worth the $2999 package. muahahah! (im not kidding, thats the package price) but then again, the package comes with a 3-tier wedding cake and some other stuffs. but the down side is that you only get to bring less than 30 people (including you two) on board.

i am so darn excited about this obscenely-expensive package!! and im almost like promoting it on my blog.
anw guys, if you're not getting married as yet, you can still opt for the valentine's day package instead, which will cost both of you almost $400.. (unless your guy wants to pay all!!!) (=

talking about valentine's day.
God knows what i'll be doing on that day.
working, thats for sure. but thank God i end at 6.
unlike last year..
when i had to do full shift from 10am to 10pm at seoul garden!
watching all those girls carrying bouquets of roses and whatever else!!
while i had to carry stacks and stacks of dirty plates..
bad memory.

i didnt even get a rose.
tsk.

cny.

2008-02-07T22:51:00.001+08:00

happy cny to all!
4 consecutive days of not working/schooling.. (or maybe 5 for some of you lucky ones out there)
life is real good!!

at least for this week.

be gentle with me please.

2008-01-27T14:26:00.000+08:00

went for gentle yoga lesson with azlin and ain this morning.
i wish i can like go shopping after that but they pay's not in yet. so damn irritating.

i think i miss someone.
actually i miss alot of people.

just leave la.

2008-01-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

i just wish i was as ignorant as he claimed me to be.
or rather ACCUSED me to be.
i wish i can just like,
ignore whether we get to contact or not, whether we meet or not. whatever.
i feel like a complete asshole now really.
should i just slap him or is it me who needs some slapping?

SIGH.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

2008-01-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish i could be as grumpy and kiasu as one of those aunties at the mrt station during the peak hour period.
they'll irritate the shit out of you by elbowing and pushing their way through, and somehow they'll be the one to get on the escalator first.

on a serious note:
ITS ALWAYS ON THE PUBLIC TRANSPORT that you'll see these kind of people.
today on the way home from work, i saw an old grandma standing in the middle of the crowded mrt, with a cane on her hand.. and her grandson was trying his very best to prevent her from literally flying off as she didnt even had a pole to grab on.
LIKE HELLO. all these people should SERIOUSLY be prosecuted.

and also, this is especially targeted to all you males out there who simply refuse to raise your ass and give up your seat to an elderly lady, or a pregnant woman.
i have seen guys who are more interested in getting their ass seated and playing their psp rather than offering an old lady their seat. it irritates me more than ever!

sighs.

rubbish.

2008-01-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

HOW GIRLISH ARE YOU?
(on 20th june 2006, i was 44% girlish...)

[ ]my fingernails/toenails are almost always
painted
[ ]during the summer pretty much the only shoes i
wear are flip flops
[x]my favorite toy as a child were barbies
[x]my favorite color is purple
[ ]i did Gymnastics
[x]i love skirts
[ ]hollister is my favorite place to shop
[x]tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear
[x]i love chocolate
[ ]i've never had a real job.
TOTAL: 5

[x]my hair is straightened
[x]i have at least 8 friendster pictures
[x]i usually go shopping once a week
[x]i love to hang out with friends
[ ]i have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace
[ ]i've gone to a tanning salon
[x]ive gone to the beach to tan - not to swim
[x]i have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[ ]i watch either the OC or Laguna Beach
[ ]i change my icon weekly
TOTAL: 6

[ ]i wear a shower cap
[ ]I would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic
[x]my cell phone might as well become a part of
me
[ ]i wear mascara everyday
[ ]i've been or am on a diet
[ ]bathing suits are adorable
[ ]i dont know the difference between a sheep and
a goat.
[x]big sunglasses are hott
[ ]i have gotten my nails done
[ ]i own over 10 purses
TOTAL: 2

[x]MTV is one of my favorite channels
[ ]all i want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[x]i love to have other girls do my hair
[x]i give and receive hugs from all my friends
[x]i hate bugs, snakes, lizards, spiders
[x]carnivals are so fun!!
[ ]summer is THE best season
[ ]my swimsuit has 2 pieces
[ ]im waiting for my knight in shining armor
[ ](unless de guy is fat n ugly)pianists are so hot.
TOTAL: 5

[ ]u write me a poem and tell me im beautiful
and im all yours
[x]i am self-conscious.
[x]i cry often
[ ]my car smells like vanilla
[x]my dishes get washed more then once a week
[x]i dont do sports
[x]i HATE to run
[ ]i squeal when im surprised or angry
[ ]i eat dried fruit as a snack
[x]i love romance novels
TOTAL: 6

[ ]Drew Barrymore is so cute
[x]i dance a lot
[x]i usually spend over an hour to get ready to
leave my house
[x]i only have like 5 billion hair products
[x]i love to get dressed up.
[x]every part of my outfit needs to match
[x]i talk on the phone at least once a day to my
friends
[x]i would love to have a photo shoot of myself
[ ]price on clothes hardly matters
[ ]i apply lip gloss 50 times a day
TOTAL: 7

[ ]i wish i were a model
[ ]i wish i could meet Paris Hilton to slap her
[ ]i have been something that was slutty on
halloween
[ ]i own Uggs
[ ]Hip Hop is the best music
[ ]i pop my collar
[ ]i like to be the center of attention
[ ]guys with Mohawks are crazy
[x]horses are beautiful
[x]i'd rather not pay attention in school
TOTAL: 2

[x]cats are adorable
[ ]i write my own music/song/lyric
[x]i would love to visit Hawaii
[ ]Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ]white is better then black
[ ]i wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[x]my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[x] i hate the grunge look of a beard
[x]i love to read gossip magazines
[x]i love to gossip
TOTAL: 6

[ ]I had Lisa Frank folders, posters as a kid
[ ]i love Celine dion
[x]My bubble baths are 2 hr long
[ ]my wedding only needs a groom because it's
already planned
[ ]my friends and i are in a strict group. we
mostly only hang out with each other only.
[x]i like kids
[ ]diet drinks are the best
[ ]im all about being vegetarian
[ ]i refuse to eat at McDonald's
[x]i check my friendster everyday.
TOTAL: 3

[x]i LOVE life!
[ ] have a lot of jewellery!
[ ]claires has cheap jewellery
[ ]my screen names have x's in them -
[x]either one of my friendster profile has/had
<3>
TOTAL: 2

apparently now im still 44% girlish.

when im with you, with you, with you....

2008-01-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

today was by far one of those days that abdul hafiz made me laugh loud alot.
my greatest day out with him in a longlong time. =)
i bet he is sleeping like a log right now.
i dont blame him la.

abdul hafiz-

seriously i think we should take more pictures when we're out together.. and u must not grumble when i whipped my phone out to take a picture.
and remind me to bring an umbrella the next time we go out. or maybe i should put an umbrella permanently in my bag.
can we go somewhere else to eat next time? i wanna try sth new la.

how can i reason?

2008-01-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

i've pasted a few pictures on the walls of my office cubicle. pictures of the girls, pictures of ain, aliff and me during the padang trip. it makes me miss school more. but work's fine, really. one of nora's clients just gave us a box of chocolates today.. well actually i think its for her alone, but i ate like 1/4 of it and she offered some to the bosses.

but but but THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!, although its gonna end in a few minutes time.. i swear this week has been a hell of a week. what with the parents giving me all sorts of problems. but nvm. im just so so damn estatic-glad-happy-overjoyed that i'll get to see the newly-ranked sergeant first thing in the morning tomorrow!! *beams*
he's gonna drag me to watch the predator thing, but nvm.

anw have you guys the watched the featured video in yahoo today? it says singapore is the happiest asian country! you gotta watch it. its quite interesting.

hurts just like a knife.

2008-01-03T20:34:00.000+08:00

work today was very bad. well at least for me..

everyone makes mistakes right?

i, made like 1298548375092 mistakes all in one day. i feel like sticking a knife into myself.

but one thing about busy days- time passes by very fast. the next thing you know, you'll be having lunch.. then it'll be 4 pm and then the next time you look at your watch, you're only left with 5 mins before 6pm.

im feeling insecure.

thats what driving me to blog today..

i hate this feeling. its creeps you without you being able to control it.

and the worst thing is, it can drive you crazy.

he smses you a bit later, you start thinking.. wondering.. assuming.. concluding..

insecurities.. everyone has it at some point of their lives..

right?

happy 08!

2007-12-31T23:49:00.000+08:00

reflect.

2007 is a year of muddled feelings.
truthfully speaking, i am still doubtful of my plans.
i am still doubtful of myself.

things have definitely gotten better at home.
my parents are trying hard to work it out together..
which gives me a tinge hope and optimism,
i guess love isnt only a feeling that puts you on cloud 9.
its sacrifice, friendship, understanding, trust, honesty.. and knowing that both of you will know how to work things out when something goes wrong..
and the full awareness that there is no one that can replace your other half.

hafiz.
ive grown so much in love.
hafiz has taught me alot..
and being with him taught me the true meaning of patience. (=
and to know the right time to push my pride aside.
(my guy's a sensitive chap, although he hates to admit it.)
although sometimes i really feel like its too much to take, i feel that there is so much more to us than what we know.
i just hope that things will work out.
insyaallah.

my circle of friends.
although its almost been a year that im out of school..
i still have my ain.
and the bestest girlfriends in the world.
im so grateful that we have our monthly birthday celebrations,
cos thats when i get to biiiiiiiiiiitch and gossip all i want. muahahahahah...

2008 resolutions.

to be able to decide what i want to do, and to be for the rest of my life.
to be a good daughter to my parents, a great sister to my younger siblings and the best girlfriend to hafiz!
get my driving license..
learn how to ride a bicycle.. hehe. this is very embarrasing.
to rollerblade again.
to send hafiz for anger management classes or meditation classes.. whatever to teach him to control his temper.
to exercise regularly.
to SAVE MONEY!
to be closer to his siblings and family.
to join the planning group for birthday celebrations next year.

happy new year!!

ps. girls i love my presents. thanks a lot! the earrings were a love at first sight. now im so loving the bag!!!
you girls got great taste!!

khayalan ini.

2007-12-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

these few days have been very hectic.
what with hady winning the asian idol!
and also, happy birthday to my two little irritating brats!
ive promised to treat them to swensens and now they're bugging me!

hafiz is out of town till God knows when.
i miss him already.
its been 2 days!

TWENTY!

2007-12-13T20:54:00.000+08:00

I AM FINALLY TWENTY!
i am always the last one to be a year older.

thanks ain, zash, kast, jayne, shan, sha, pok, my parents, nora, siti, my bosses, taufiq, xiu mei.. and those that i forgot to mention.. thank you for your birthday wishes!
girls i cant wait for the end of the month!!

and to my laling hapis, thanks for the lunch and the movie and the swatch!! you know i have to confess, i was thinking of getting myself a swatch when i get my next pay but since you already bought one for me, then i can get something else. muahahah.. but anyway, THANK YOU!!! i looooooooooooove it. and i love yours too. hehe.